The soccer moms have hated me for 18 years.
That’s how long I’ve been a mom. And that’s how long the perfect moms with their perfect houses and perfect children and perfect cupcakes have been rejecting my ass.
I used to care. I used to try to get them to like me. To engage them in conversation and find things in common and make friends.
I have given up. It’s stupid.
After in-depth analysis, I have surmised that the first time around none of the soccer moms took me seriously because I was the step-mom. I didn’t labor for 26 hours per child, they never found nourishment at my breast. I wasn’t a real mom.
Oh yeah?
Well it’s a good thing I never had to comfort a child after a nightmare, or stay up all night monitoring a climbing fever. I’m glad I never had to talk a kid through first-day-of-school jitters, or hold down a tiny body that was unwillingly receiving a vaccination.
Whew. Good thing I’m just a step-mom.
All sarcasm aside, I just didn’t fit the mold. I’m not skinny. I don’t drink lattes. I don’t drive an SUV, wear designer labels, or live in a house that has me in debt up to my eyeballs. I just don’t freaking care what people think of me. And that’s my big problem. Or rather, their big problem.
Because, apparently, to be liked by the soccer moms, one must be judgmental, uptight, and impossible to get along with. Oh, and perfect in every way. And by perfect, I mean unhappy.
I don’t know how these women live these lives in which their children are in every activity know to man, and the only “family” time spent together is in a mini-van at the McDonald’s drive-thru. Dinner comes from a bag between soccer practice and dance class, and there is no time to talk because someone is always yelling, “Hurry up … we’re late!”
No thank you.
Call me lazy, but the pace of life I choose is one in which my child can come home from school and supremely chill out. She starts by retreating to her room for 45 minutes, and I honestly have no idea what she does up there. I leave her alone because I know she needs that time. Then she comes down and reads, does a few chores, and then starts pestering me for food. Sometimes there’s homework, sometimes there are ridiculous amounts of American Idol. There is almost never a fast-food dinner in the back seat of the car (which is not an SUV).
I’m stepping on toes here. I know I am. I don’t mean to. I’m really just pointing out that I have been rejected for ridiculous reasons. Because someone else needs to feel superior, and doesn’t want to be seen talking to the fat step-mom with a nose ring and a kid with Down syndrome.
It makes me mad.
The second time around (this time I’m the bio mom, which hasn’t helped at all), the moms have “accepted” my child and love to flash their big smiles when the kid with Down syndrome speaks in complete sentences. But they continue to snub me. They looooove my darling little girl, tell me how sweet and loving she is, and then walk away. They don’t ever invite us to do anything. Never. (Conversely, I don’t ask them to do anything with us — mostly because I don’t relate to them either, and no longer want to try).
I have true friends that don’t care that I buy 70% of my kid’s clothes at Goodwill (which is where she got her kickass t-shirt collection), or that I have pink(ish) hair and play roller derby. I have real friends. I don’t need to be friends with these women simply because our kids go to school together.
So I just wanted to say out loud that I’m over it. It used to really upset me that the soccer moms don’t like me. Not any more. I think it’s funny, and I purposely make eye contact and say hello to them just to make them uncomfortable.
Perhaps it’s not very Christian of me to feel this way. I’m probably breaking a commandment or two. Most likely.
But I can’t find self-worth through the opinions of others. I must find it by being myself in every situation, no matter how I am received. I have spent 38 years trying to please others, hiding my real self because I didn’t fit the mold. Can’t do it another day.
Go ahead. Reject me. Life goes on.
i heart mimi
Writer, artist and smarty-pants. And, apparently, mommy-blogger.
About Mimi
Subscribe to my blog!
Categories
- Art and Photos (24)
- Family Matters (27)
- Food and Cooking (5)
- Gardening and Nature (2)
- My Unsolicited Opinion (38)
- Special Needs Parenting (11)
- Uncategorized (6)
Recent Posts
- Navigator
- “You are my heart.”
- Choices.
- How to not be a crybaby.
- Sweet Shot Tuesday 06.22.2010
- Don’t be an ass.
- Sweet Shot Tuesday
- Open mouth, insert foot
- Magic Kingdom
- Sanibel Island, FL
- News flash: the contents of my purse
- Sweet Shot Tuesday 04.20.2010
- Shameless explotation of my child, all for a good laugh
- Sweet Shot Tuesday 04.13.2010
- Sweet Shot Tuesday 04.06.2010
12 Comments, Comment or Ping
WOW! This is me, with a few different physical characteristics. Great post, makes me feel good to read there are others like me. I too allow my kids to chill after school, and think it’s important to allow them to just “be”. My kids go to private school on full scholarship, so I’m shunned because I’m not in the same socio-economic class as them. Well, I say fuck ‘em. And as for you-keep on rolling you bad-ass derby chick!
February 26th, 2010
Dear Tanya,
I love you. That is all.
Love, Mimi
February 26th, 2010
Sometimes I consider myself to be a “soccer mom” but I hope i’m not that mean and judgemental. I do, however, have my kids involved in WAY too many activities and we quite often eat dinner in the truck (not an SUV!) a la McDonalds. On the other hand, I do try to make sure we have quiet downtime as often as possible. We have started family game nights, and we are going to church regularly as a family. I just take each day as it comes, baby steps. Sometimes I burst into tears at being overwhelmed, but other times I just sigh and look at the calendar, wondering how many days are left til the weekend.
I don’t think the other moms hate you, either. I think you make them uncomfortable because you have this aura of self-confidence and you aren’t afraid to be yourself and speak your mind. They should be JEALOUS of you. I love that you shop at Goodwill, and I love that you have pink hair and are a roller derby queen. I love your nose piercing (want one myself!) and I love that you have spunk and a fiery wit. If moms are snubbing you, let them. They are just pissed they can’t be more like you.
March 1st, 2010
OK, I wrote this big long comment… and now it’s not here. Waahhhhh!
March 1st, 2010
I came over from Jenni’s blog because she linked to you. I loved this! I have felt that cold shoulder as well. Fortunately, I am in my late 40s and just really couldn’t begin to care less about those types of women. I am amazed at their lifestyles. It’s like watching a train wreck, isn’t it?
March 1st, 2010
I just wanted to say… You are hilarious!
Can I link your blog to my website. My readers would really get a “kick” out of you! Ha!
March 2nd, 2010
Robin, PLEASE link my site to yours! I would love that. And thanks for the compliment. Sometimes I think the funny only happens inside my own head.
–Mimi
March 2nd, 2010
Sincerely Jenni, you always feed my ego. This is one of the reasons I love you so! And you’re not a soccer mom in the evil sense. You don’t put your kids in a million activities because you’re trying to raise future soccer moms. Your kids are nice. Good people. You’re doing awesome.
And Debbie — thanks for visiting, and I hope you come back! And tell all your friends! And don’t forget to trip a soccer mom or two for me!
–Mimi
March 2nd, 2010
I EFFIN LOVE YOU
March 15th, 2010
I love you my squirrley lil’ pink haired, nose pierced, stylishly round daughter of mine. You ROCK!!!
April 3rd, 2010
Okay I wish more soccer moms had her attitude… differences are a positive thing and indicates strength in my opinion.
June 7th, 2010
Just came from a soccer meeting – felt hated because I do not agree to go to Miami two days after Christmas for a very expensive tournament, colleges will be there, my child will go to school on an academic scholarship, not soccer. soccer has been for fun for my daughter, that’s it in a nutshell. I effin hate them as well. snobs, how dare you have an opinion and actually speak it, that’s what the evil stares were for tonight – left feeling like crap – thanks for blogging here – I am old enough to know better – these women are nothing to me – its my child that I care about, and soccer is a sport for fun, not a sport for hating and judging. ho-bags.
June 12th, 2010
Reply to “The soccer moms hate me.”